I Wish I Could Call Myself an Alcoholic

I wish I could call myself an Alcoholic
Things would be simpler then,
Black and White
No trace of colour
Pleasantville revisited.

I wish I could call myself an alcoholic
We could be equal then
You and I
No trace of sobriety
Drunkenness ongoing

I wish I could call myself an alcoholic
And you could too.
Then
Perhaps
We could get free.

Her Pretty Little Neck

Why I don’t “just leave”, in a nutshell…thanks, Heather, for putting it so well. Please note, I am not suggesting Heather’ post advocates my choices in any way, but this post is very reminiscent of the thought processes that got me to where I am, which is: trying to love and not to judge, trying to live my own path and not worry so much about my partner’s path.

I Admit That I Am Powerless Against Alcohol

I am not an alcoholic,
but alcohol has assumed a dimension of such magnitude
and devastation in my life,
that I am as powerless as if I were.

My power is not against alcohol,
but for love,
and so within myself
I am free.

Which Slogan Works Best? VOTE NOW!

Note your preference in the comments:

OPTION 1: Ostracize Unfaithful Loved Ones: When Armageddon is Just Not Enough

OPTION 2: Why Wait Until Armageddon? Ostracize Disfellowshipped Family Members NOW, for Twice the Fun, Twice the Satisfaction

 

Dear Mom and Dad

SIS and I don’t know why you have allowed your church to convince you to cut us off.  We would never do that to you, regardless of our disagreement with your religious beliefs.

If you ever decide to take down the wall, you will find us here on the other side.

Loving you, and waiting.

ME and SIS

Putting Paid to the Original Sin

ME
MY ADDRESS LINE 1
MY ADDRESS LINE 2

March 17, 2014

UNNAMED Congregation
Body of Elders
Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses
UNNAMED ADDRESS LINE 1
UNNAMED ADDRESS LINE 2

RE: Formal Request to Disassociate

Dear Gentlemen:

Due to the ambiguity of my departure from regular association with Jehovah’s Witnesses, my parents and your congregation members, DAD and MOM, have long struggled with how to treat me.  Having seen the trauma they endured when my younger sister, SIS, was disfellowshipped for apostasy, I thought I might spare them at least some of the anguish by quietly “slipping away”, as you all are so fond of saying.

I have long felt that the teachings of the Jehovah’s Witnesses, promulgated through their publishing arm The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, were completely at odds with Jesus’ core teaching: “God is love.” In particular, I could not swallow:

• the idiocy of ostracism (driving someone away to bring them back? Give me a break.)
• the hypocrisy of a faith can’t stand up to real contest or scrutiny (Why warn against higher education and comparative studies? Pure fear – which is the opposite of love.)

I knew by my father’s unnaturally stilted approach why he called me yesterday, and I told him there was no need to arrange a face to face meeting just to tell me they couldn’t see me anymore. My sister got the same call, however, and was devastated.  Her young children were in tears and she herself is barely functioning today. Your ostracism dogma disgusts me.

So for now, let me make things simple for my parents: I hereby formally, emphatically and irrevocably disassociate myself from this disgusting group that calls itself “Jehovah’s Witnesses”.

However slim the chance may be, I hope that my parents will one day escape from this delusion you call “The Truth”. And may God forgive you, for you know not what you do.

Sincerely,

ME

cc: SIS

The Prodigal Returns (or “Crippling Financial and Moral Dependency: How They Can Save Your Children”): A Sarcastic Synopsis

So, I know my parents mean well, but I have no idea what thought they might accomplish by sending me a request to watch their latest Jehovah’s Witness Propaganda Video, “The Prodigal Returns.” Or rather, I know what they hope to accomplish (my return to “The Truth”), but…

I cannot fathom why they think this this naieve and insulting 90 minutes of religious propaganda would help them to achieve that end.

DISCLAIMER: My parents have done and continue to do so much for me, against their own principles in many cases, and I love them and am indebted to them.  This blog is in no way a reflection of negative feelings against them or their choice to believe as they do. In fact, I appreciate them so much that I felt obliged to watch this video as a token of my respect and appreciation, even though I basically knew what was coming.  In further fact, if returning to the JWs would not completely destroy the family I’ve built, I would even consider going through the motions to make them happy.  I lived that life before and, since it means so much to them, I could probably deal with living it again.

But it’s not just me anymore.

And the video itself just really bugged me.

My sister didn’t even click the link, but she was curious enough to ask for a synopsis when I revealed that I’d done the deed; and since it made me feel better to vent about the experience of watching, I’ve also decided to share it here on my Anonymous Blog.

(If you really feel the need, you can view the original video for yourself at this link: http://www.jw.org/download/?output=html&pub=ivpro&fileformat=MP4&alllangs=1&langwritten=E&txtCMSLang=E&isBible=0)

The Prodigal Returns: A Sarcastic Synopsis

Part 1: Leaving Home

Open on: Happy Jehovah’s Witness (JW) family at a meeting, w/dad proudly videotaping Younger Brother (YB) as he completes a scripture reading.

Cut to 12 years later: YB is now 21 and (unfathomably!) itching for freedom. Despite YB’s lack of relevant experience, a Dubious Friend (DF, a smarmy, oily Bad Guy who is only technically a JW) has arranged an interview for him with TrueNorth Marketing. In a hurry for his interview, YB rudely ignores Older Brother’s request for help loading an extension ladder into the family’s work truck (and let me tell you, not wanting to help with the family construction business a really bad sign), and dashes out the door (rejecting Mom’s lovingly prepared breakfast – yet another clear sign of Impending Disaster), but reassuring Mom and Dad he will consult with them before making any career decisions, and that they don’t need to worry about how this job – if he even gets it – will affect his Spiritual Routine.

Thanks to DF’s influence, and despite YB’s pathetically stilted answers to the interview questions (which ironically elicit a compliment from the interviewer on how well YB expresses himself), YB gets a job offer on the spot, and is pressured by DF to accept it right away because there are so many other qualified candidates waiting in the wings. During his welcome tour of The Company, an Attractive & Friendly Worldly Girl is introduced as his colleague, and Significant Reference is made to her weekend plans, which apparently involved a Weekend Getaway and Fornication with her On-Again-Off-Again Boyfriend who, Again Significantly, is So Shallow, unlike our erstwhile hero, who is Not Shallow.

Back at home that night, YB’s Loving Family is shocked and hurt by his decision to accept a job offer. “But couldn’t you wait just another day or two?!” Mom asks incredulously.  (I mean really, accepting a JOB OFFER? How could he be so CRUEL? I think that might be the worst thing I’ve ever heard of!)  But YB is 21, and so in the end mom and dad merely warn him to be careful not to lose sight of his Spiritual Priorities.

Older Brother, on the other hand, gets very pissy (“How about because Dad asked you to?” and “You didn’t tell them about your meetings?!”) setting up the requisite Sibling Rivalry.

Part 2: The Fall

Predictably, work begins takes over YB’s life and he starts Missing Meetings and such. When DF’s non-JW Worldly Cousin needs 2 new roomates, DF persuades YB to leave home. YB can’t actually afford the rent on his salary, but DF assures YB that a promotion and a raise cannot be far in the future, so YB decides to fund the move by withdrawing all the money in the Regular Pioneering Fund set up by Mom and Dad. (Smooth move, YB, I can see this is going to be a winning move for you…)

YB continues to work and thrive while slowly drifting further and further from The Truth (Yeah, JW’s really call it that. In Capital Letters). YB helps to deliver several key projects for new clients acquired by their branch, all while ignoring repeated attempts by his Loving Family to “Help” him.  Then comes the news YB and DF have been waiting for: the Big Bosses from Corporate are coming for a visit!  DF assures YB that he can expect a big pat on the back, a promotion and a raise because the branch has done so well generating and delivering on Big New Accounts for Corporate. To YB’s shock, the news is much different: Corporate is reassigning the new accounts to the West Coast Office, and his boss is forced to Let Him Go.

With no job and no savings, behind on his car insurance and $5,000 in debt, YB goes drinking with DF. At the end of the night, YB tells DF that he can’t drive and they should take the subway or a taxi home. YB resists DF’s assurances that YB has not had too much to drink, then inexplicably hands over the car keys and climbs into the passenger when DF (who has had even more to drink than YB) demands them. DF runs a red light, and then ensues a low speed chase scene involving a few dented cars, overturned barrels and a gate crashing, ending only when DF ditches the car at a construction site and bails, leaving YB and his pesky conscience to stay and face arrest by the police.

Fortunately for YB, security cameras at the construction site wind up corroborating his version of events; DF is arrested and YB is released from jail the following morning. (Even more fortunately for YB, this is not the Real World, as the only consequence he faces is the loss of his car. The property damage done by DF’s drunken drive and YB’s lack of car insurance never comes up.)

Alone and, for some inexplicable reason, homeless (in this world, losing your job also apparently means losing the keys to your rented room), YB calls Attractive & Friendly Worldly Girl to ask if he can use her clothes dryer so he can then go back out in the rain. They chat comfortably on separate sofas over glasses of red wine.  When the dryer buzzes, YB says right on cue that he’ll be going, but Worldly Girl sneakily slips onto YB’s sofa after refilling her wine glass and persuades YB to spend the night: “It’s pouring outside and we still have a bottle of wine to finish…” From outside the apartment building, we see the apartment lights go down, and Unmentionable Things begin to happen.

Later that Same Day: YB departs Worldly Girl’s apartment in obvious distress. Completely distraught (you know, ’cause he finally got laid), he stumbles through the (still) pouring rain into a back alley and under a fire escape, where he finds a small alcove that inadequately shelters him from the driving rain, and dramatically calls out “Oh Jehovah, can you ever forgive me for what I have done?!”

Part 3: The Return

Cut to Mom at home reminding Dad that the trash needs to go out. While dropping off the trash, Dad sees a taxi pull up (still pouring rain, of course, so I’m pegging this at about the time of Hurricane Sandy) and pull away, revealing YB standing dejectedly  in the street. “Dad, can I come home?” he begs.  Overjoyed, Dad then does what any loving father would do, and brings YB straight to the Kingdom Hall for an inquest by the Elders, reassuring him that even if he’s Disfellowshipped (yes, they do that too), the family will support him and work with him until his privileges are restored and he can be fully welcomed back into The Truth.

Later the same day, Older Brother comes in to find Mom & Dad preparing a meal and singing “Joy of Jehovah” at the top of their happy lungs.  “What’s the occasion?” he asks, and Mom explains they are inviting friends over for a meal of Younger Brother’s favorite dishes to celebrate The Prodigal’s Return, and oh-by-the-way could he go out to the store for whipped cream, because she forgot it.

Older brother storms off as YB enters the scene, and practically spits the words at him, “You can get your own whipped cream!”  Dad follows Older Brother upstairs to find him packing his bags, and all attempts to implore to forgive – “He has been Spiritually Dead, and now he is Alive Again!!!” – Older Brother storms off, overnight bag in hand. YB guiltily observes that Older Brother’s place is conspicuously empty at the otherwise happy dinner table that night.

Next morning, Older Brother pops in for a few items he apparently left behind in the refrigerator, and YB tries to persuade him not to leave again. After a suitably lengthy and contentious dialogue – Older Brother Hurling Recriminations, Younger Brother Offering Increasingly Servile and Pathetic Palliatives – the Brothers share a tearful conciliatory embrace.

Story closes on Reunited Loving Family discussing week’s schedule around the breakfast table, with Older Brother wisely advising that One Day, YB can be a Successful Regular Pioneer Like Him by following the simple adage: “Early in the day, early in the month, early in the year.”

Fade out to a sentimental tune underscoring Sadder-But-Wiser Younger Brother reading the day’s text: “…and the greatest of these is Love”.

The End (for YB)

Does It Help To Get Angry At Someone With Addiction? by Lauren Dalrymple

Originally posted @ NPR Blogs on 2/4/14.

Bitchy Whine and Money Stuff

Em has agreed with me in principle to at least stop spending money directly from the bank card: we have to review our bills together and if there is anything left then we will pull that as cash for spending.  If there is no money, there is no spending.

Got my first unemployment check two days ago.  Em grabbed the bank card and headed straight out to the liquor store.

This has been a particularly a difficult week.  Actually, how this is different from prior recent weeks I couldn’t really say.

Anyway…I got fed up and exhausted and felt like it was entirely unfair that I’m doing all the abstinence stuff while he – a full fledged alcoholic – is running through massive quantities of alcohol every day.  So I’ve been drinking off of his cider vodka in the evenings most of this week (one glass a night – about one can of cider combined with a nip shot of vodka), and he bought me a bottle of wine on Thursday night.

I drank one glass (5 oz) and he poured me a second, but couldn’t drink it; I asked him if it was okay for me to leave the poured glass on his workbench, since his shop is cool enough to preserve the wine.  Left half a bottle and a heavy poured glass of red wine (8 oz) on his work bench.

Got home from a stressful job interview on Friday and wanted some of my wine: found about 3oz remaining in my glass and the bottle was empty.

I was feeling pretty sick – felt like the start of a flu – so he ran out to buy rum ($25) to make me a toddy.  I had two measured shots of rum from the liter bottle; by the next morning, almost all the rum was gone from the bottle. Oh, and besides my wine, the prior day he had polished off a bottle ($37) of Jack Daniels.  Plus a six pack every day ($9 x 7 = $63) and 6 vodka nips to go with that ($1.50ea x 6 = 9/day x 7 days = $63).

Meanwhile, we’ve received cancellation notices on our home owner’s insurance and car insurance, and I have started to get calls from creditors…god help me, I’ve allowed it to come to this.

He said something honest, though, last night.  We have a friend, J, whom we helped through a difficult period with alcoholism.  He said: “Well, now I understand what J was going through.  It’s not easy. But I have to do this for you. I have to do this for our family.

“Actually, the truth is, I have to do this for me.  I don’t like myself this way.”

Amen, Em.

Cruci-Fiction

Corporate America and Marriage:
Beams of the cross
On which my life is sacrificed

The American Dream:
Final spear in my side